How to Stay Sane in a LDR

Aug 8, 2016
9 min read

Long distance relationships are hard, there's no doubt about it. Speaking as someone who was once in a LDR and 'closed the distance,' I'd like to offer a few of my best tips to keeping strong and getting through the tough times of being miles apart.

1. Communication is key

This is probably the most important factor of staying in a strong, healthy long distance relationship. You may live in two separate parts of the same country or you may be on opposite sides of the world, but communication is what's going to get you guys through this. Technology is so wonderful these days; we live in a world where we can easily talk to people anywhere on the planet. Imagine being thousands of miles away from the one you love and writing letters was your only form of communication. Good old fashioned letters are still amazing but we're very lucky to have the likes of Skype, Facebook, Instagram, emails, instant messenger, FaceTime and so many other social media platforms. Finding a way to communicate is easy. Getting the things off our chest? Not so easy. But so important. It's vital to talk about everything that is on your mind whilst in a LDR. Don't hold anything back, even if you think it's silly or not worth mentioning. If you feel upset or something is bothering you, say it. If you feel excited about the future or want to discuss where your relationship is going, say it. I always find it's better to say what you mean and how you feel, rather than withholding information. Bottling things up is not healthy in any relationship and being miles apart and keeping things to yourself certainly won't get you anywhere. Talk about anything and everything. Share your fears, hopes and dreams. Share what's making you sad or happy. Talk to your loved one, include them in your life, keep them updated with what's going on. Encourage them to do the same. Send each other messages throughout the day, even just to say hello. A simple hello can mean a lot to someone who is struggling or having a bad day. Talk to one another and don't miss anything out!

2. Don't compare your beginnings to someone else's middle

It's so easy to compare where you're at in your life or relationship to others' situations. Friends are getting engaged, married, having babies, moving in together or even just going on holiday together and all you're doing is wishing you could just see your loved one. And you start to compare your lives to theirs. It's easy to do, I get it. I've been there. I've compared myself to others so many times and wished I was where they were in their lives. But it's not healthy, so if you can, try to stop doing this. People are all at different stages of their lives and relationships, and once upon a time they were right at the beginning too. Life is not a race and you have to enjoy your journey and where you're at NOW. Things will work out for you too, it may take longer than it did for others but don't stress, good things take time. I'm a great believer in things working out how they're supposed to. What's meant for you will not pass you by. Enjoy what's happening in your life now and have faith that everything will work out how it's meant to.

3. Set goals

Let's be honest, the main goal of a long distance relationship is closing that distance once and for all and being together. If you can, set a realistic time when this might be possible. Do your research about the process of moving to your loved one's country, getting visas sorted etc. Do you have to be married to be able to relocate? Who will move, you or them? Discussing this as per section one is important. You both need to agree on what is best for you and how you will close the distance. Even if you just talk about it at first, there needs to be some kind of plan as to when the distance will end. Distance can't last forever, something has to give eventually. It may take years but you'll need to be able to see light at the end of tunnel so you can have something to focus on. Make sure you look into all avenues as to how it'll work. Moving to another country is not an easy process so make sure you know everything you're up against. The Internet is fantastic for reading up about the do's and don't's of moving overseas. Join forums and ask other people about their own experiences and try to gain as much information as possible. Be prepared for a lot of paperwork and lengthy processing times, but keep in mind what you're fighting for. Bear in mind that the person who is moving, will be moving away from their whole life, their friends and family, their home. You need to make sure you have properly spoken about who will be making the move. It's a lot to think about. Just try to have a loose plan if possible so you have a realistic goal to work towards and aim for. It's also super exciting to discuss your future plans together. So get talking, daydreaming, planning, brainstorming!

4. Surprise each other

Surprises don't always have to come in the form of turning up unexpectedly at your other half's door. Surprises can be little things or gestures to let your significant other know that you're thinking of them. We all have our bad days in a LDR and sometimes all we need is our loved one to give us a kiss or a cuddle. Not so easy when you're hundreds or thousands of miles apart. But we can do simple little things to let them know we care and are there for them. Do you schedule in your Skype chats? Maybe just pick up the phone when you know he or she will be free and surprise them with a call just to say hello. Send them a good morning text. Send them letters or parcels in the post. Write them a song or a poem or create a video for them. These things are guaranteed to put a smile on your loved one's face and who knows they may have been having a really bad day and you could have just turned it all around with a simple, loving gesture. Think of ways that'll get them smiling. In every day life, couples will go out for dinner or buy each other flowers or gifts. It's not so easy in a long distance relationship but there are ways of creating simple little gestures to help keep the love alive and your partner happy. The little things mean the most so even if it's a drawing or painting, a mixed cd of favourite songs or a simple text message, get thinking of things you can do to put a smile on your partner's face. They'll love it I promise!

5. Keep busy

This one is absolutely vital to remaining sane in a long distance relationship. Find something you love that'll keep you from wallowing in self pity at home. It's tough when you miss your guy or gal, so you need some kind of positive distraction. Join a club or a class, join the gym, go for a run or meet up with friends and family. We all have bad days and feel like the last thing we want to do is go out to socialise or exercise, but they're the things that'll get us through the tough days. Exercise releases endorphins as well as keeping you busy and distracted so you'll feel great emotionally as well as doing something good for your body. I can't recommend exercise enough here. Go out for a gentle walk or cycle, join some group classes, jump up and down in your room to your favourite music, do whatever works for you. You'll feel fab and it'll work wonders for your body and soul. If exercise isn't your bag, find something that is. Learn a language, escape into another world with a good book or film, write a diary or story. Find something that engages your brain, find something you love and enjoy, something for you. You need to be able to focus on you and enjoy 'me time' when you're missing your significant other. Find something you love and set goals to get better at it or improve, to give yourself something to aim for. I'm not saying these things will magically cure the heartache of being thousands of miles away, but they'll at least keep you busy during the day so that you can feel as though you're living your life as well as waiting to close the distance. It's very easy to get stuck in this trap of just wishing your life away and waiting for the future to arrive, but we have to enjoy our lives in the here and now as well. Life's too short so make sure you spend as much time as possible doing the things you love.

6. Utilise your friends and family

Spend time with and talk to your friends and family. It's what they're there for. Make plans to see your friends, enjoy going to visit your grandma or your mum or dad or sibling. These things can often take a backseat in our lives, but our close relatives can be so good for our wellbeing and survival in this LDR rat race. Talk to them about how you're coping , spend time with them to distract your mind, enjoy their company. Call up your elderly grandparents or go and visit your cousin and her kids. Go for coffee with your friends and share with them about how you're getting on. They're here to help us and will ease our worries and make us feel better. Even if you don't want to talk about your LDR, just meeting up with the people you are close to has a positive impact on your wellbeing. Laughing, chatting and catching up with friends is always the best medicine. It's always great to have things to look forward to, so what are you waiting for? Get planning!

7. Get a countdown on the go

There's nothing quite like counting down the days until your eagerly anticipated event. There are so many apps available now to make your countdown seem fun. If you can, have a realistic date in mind as to when you will see each other next/meet for the first time. You need to remember what you're fighting for and why you're going through all of this...to see your boyfriend/girlfriend! If you can, try and have something planned or booked so that when you say goodbye you know when you'll next see them. This gives you a date to work towards and will keep the hope and positivity alive in your relationship. It's not always possible to know when you'll see each other and sometimes plans unfortunately fall through, leaving everyone disappointed. These things can't be helped but try to have a rough idea of when you'll next see one another, even if flights or trains haven't been booked at this point. It's just nice to discuss it and plan things. When possible, book the tickets! It'll change your mindset knowing you'll get to see them soon and you'll actually have a date to enter into your countdown app. Even if you don't have set date, you can still plan what you'll do when you do finally see each other. Think of ideas of where you'll take your partner when they come and visit you, or ask them where they'll take you if you're visiting them. Plans and ideas are a great way to stay motivated so try if possible to always have the next meeting date in mind. If you can't, keep working at when you will be able to see each other. Keep talking to each other about making it possible, even if it does seem so far away.

8. Talk to people you can relate to

I created my long distance relationship Instagram account because I found it extremely beneficial to interact with people who knew exactly how I felt. It always felt like being part of a community and everyone was always really supportive and encouraging. If you're struggling, talk to people who are in the same position as you as they'll understand without any judgements or questioning. Instagram, other social media sites and forums can massively help when you're having a bad day. There are so many amazing couples in the LDR community on Instagram and all have been through their own fair share of distance struggles. They don't mind if you message them and ask for advice or help. Remember they've been through it all too so utilise their support. They'll be happy to help!

9. Look at inspirational quotes

Following on from utilising sites such as Instagram, I love looking at inspirational quotes to get me through when I'm struggling. Pinterest is amazing for this so check it out if you haven't already. You can pin all of your favourites and come back to them at a later date. There are so many positive long distance relationship quotes out there. It sounds silly but they're all so helpful and so true. Don't be afraid to create your own either, or write them all down in a notebook. I love a good quote so let me know if you have any new ones! Sometimes seeing some positive words that you can really relate to, really gives you a boost for the day. It's just nice knowing someone else feels the same things you're going through. You're not alone in this, that's for sure!

10. Don't give up!

Ultimately long distance relationships are HARD. But when you love someone so much, you will do anything to stay together. Sometimes you'll both be really struggling and you'll wonder if breaking up would be easier but please don't ever give up. It'll all be worth it one day... all the lonely nights, the tears, the goodbyes, the ups and downs, the tough ride, the screaming and shouting, the beautiful memories, the loneliness, the sadness, the pain. It'll all be worth it. Keep that in mind. Stay strong and don't give up. It's hard now but one day when you're together and you'll never have to say goodbye again, you'll thank your lucky stars that you saw it through to the end. Keep the faith and know that everything works out. You've got this!